What the Paris 2024 Organising Committee for the Olympic and Paralympic Games are doing, though, is making sure that those who do partake in extra-curricular frivolities are safe when they do so.

Laurent Dalard, who is co-ordinating first-aid and health services for Paris 2024, said that they have provided enough prophylactics to cover the 10,500 athletes staying at the Olympic Village and for those staying further afield, such as Marseille for the sailing, and Tahiti, yes Tahiti, for the surfing.

With 200,000 male condoms, 20,000 female condoms and 10,000 oral dams available to those in the Olympic Village, safe sex is paramount in a notoriously febrile environment, akin to students at college, but sweatier.

And of course, where there's Paris 2024 products, there's branding opportunities to be had and the condom packaging is no exception - and the athletes are loving it.

The Phryges, the official mascots of the 2024 Paris Olympic and Paralympic Games, feature on the packets that are distributed in every room, alongside captions and phrases such as, "On the field of love, play fair. Ask for consent", "Don’t share more than victory, protect yourself against STDs", and "No need to be a gold medalist to wear it!". So a mix of playful captions but also sober reminders for everyone to be respectful and careful in the heady Olympic summer days in France's City of Love.

Anti-sex beds at first

The infamous 'anti-sex' beds at the Olympic Games Paris 2024 have been tested comprehensively by various athletes who have arrived at the Games ahead of the opening ceremony on 26 July.

Gymnast Rhys McClenaghan continued his Olympic anti-sex-bed testing role he began at Tokyo 2020 when he went viral for leaping up and down on said bed while proclaiming: "In today's episode of fake news at the Olympic Games, the beds are meant to be anti-sex. They are made out of cardboard, yes, and apparently, they are meant to break at any sudden movements..." Excessive jumping continues. "But it's fake, FAKE NEWS," he yells.

The official correspondent for anti-sex-beds at the Olympic Games, plus the little matter of trying to add Olympic gold on the pommel horse to his two world titles, also comprehensively tested the beds in France's capital.

"I'm at the Paris Olympic Games Once again, they have these cardboard anti-sex beds," he says with air quotes around the offending phrase. "When I tested them last time, they withstood my testing. Maybe I wasn't rigorous enough though." 

Cue a period of running on the spot, somersaulting, stomping and handstand bounces. "No, it's passed the test. It's fake, FAKE NEWS," he concludes again. Tom Daley also tested his, while Team USA rugby sevens player Ilona Maher enlisted her teammates to test theirs by trying a variety of sports on the sturdy frames.

Lauren Doyle tried leaps from a beam routine, then Ariana Ramsey outperformed her with a straddle leap of which Simone Biles would have been proud. Wrestling, breaking, a new sport at Paris 2024 – and a couple of TikTok dances were all undertaken to check the solidity of the structure on which presumably sleeping will also occur.

The results from the hardy testing by some of the strongest, fittest people on earth proved conclusive; the beds are unbreakable and therefore can officially be declassified from 'anti-sex' to, well, do what you will. As it is, the beds are not anti-sex at all; the 'frames' are made from cardboard and the mattresses of polyethylene mattresses, both 100 per cent recyclable, for sustainability purposes, but why ruin a good viral post?